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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409824">want you back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestainedress/pseuds/winestainedress'>winestainedress</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gaslighting, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive Behavior, Past Relationship(s), Sad Ending, idk really it's up to you, lovers to strangers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:43:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409824</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestainedress/pseuds/winestainedress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Deleting Taeyong’s photos from the walls was easy, but removing him from his mind after he had spent sleepless nights staring at him to memorize every wrinkle of his face, it wasn’t at all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>want you back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/21016097">want you back</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestainedress/pseuds/winestainedress">winestainedress</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ugh, I hate to translate things I've already written in another language (especially if it's from Italian to English) but I had to do it because I can't let this fic die in the Italian fandom.</p><p>Real talk. This one-shot was part of a project that I've never finished. It was supposed to be a series of different kinds of love, and unfortunately, this type of reality exist in real life. So in this story are mentioned the effects that a relationship of this kind can have. Despite this, the subject is still delicate so if you think something might make you feel bad, do not read.<br/>I absolutely DO NOT support these types of behaviours in relationships (and in general) and this story does NOT want to paint these behaviours in a romantic way but for what they are, wrong and sick.<br/>The behaviours, the problems, the way of thinking of the characters in this story is completely different from the real people who interpret them and I absolutely do NOT believe that they behave in the same way in real life. </p><p>I hope you'll enojy it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soaking wet. </p><p>They were there, standing in the middle of the street as the rain kept on falling on the city and their bodies. </p><p>They could've left, find a porch, go back home, their home. But none of the two was able to make a move, to get away from there. </p><p>Their faces were dripping water, but none of them could understand if it was just rain or also their tears. </p><p>And as they stood there, one in front of the other, Jaehyn asked himself if that would've been the last time he would've seen Taeoyng's face. He wondered what he did wrong, why everything fell apart in his hands and he couldn't be able to put a patch, to sew-up the textiles and make the canvas of their love even more beautiful. </p><p>Then, as he stared at Taeyong straight in the eyes, he heard the words that he had said just before. </p><p>"You won't ever change!" He had screamed, a harmless fist, despite being full of rage, had arrived on his chest. He had grabbed his shirt, yanked it to bring him back to reality, in the real world. That night, as he had been trying to do for three years. </p><p>All useless, Taeyong knew it, Jaehyun knew it, they were aware of it. </p><p>He would never change. He would never grow up. </p><p>And he had not opened his mouth, tired of justifying himself with excuses invented at the time, tired of climbing on the mirrors and delude both that the situation would improve. Still and frozen, even when Taeyong was yelling, "Please look at me. Talk to me, at least." </p><p>Nothing at all.</p><p>He wanted to tell him something, something that wasn’t absurd. But what was he supposed to say to him? To lie again? Make him believe that that would've been the last time? That he would have matured? Not this time. He wouldn’t have.</p><p>He wouldn't make empty promises even if the voices in his brain led him to do so, they shouted not to let it slip through his hands because he needed Taeyong. Because it was a safe haven, it was his only foothold, the only salvation for someone as hopeless as him, the only part of sanity he had left. The voices shouted, pushed him to the edge as every time, they were there, no longer in a corner of his mind, but in the centre. Strong and clear. </p><p>
  <em> Don’t let him get away, don’t give in. He’s yours. </em>
</p><p>And Jaehyun was shaking his head, he didn't trust his brain and those voices. He didn’t trust his paranoia, he could perfectly do it on his own, without Taeyong. He did it before he met him and he could do it now. He had to let him go. He couldn’t keep him in a cage.</p><p>Jaehyun didn’t trust his mind, but Jaehyun didn’t trust himself either. </p><p>He didn’t know very well when he started to separate the two, indeed yes, it was Taeyong who made him do it. When after all his jealousy they burst into tears and ha had to spend the evening reassuring him, telling him that he loved him and that the others were nobody.</p><p>When he held him in his arms and told him that he would never leave and that he, Jaehyun, was not his voices and should've let them go if he wanted to keep him with him. And Jaehyun would calm down, agree with him, promise him he would, he would've let them go, he would've got help. But Jaehyun liked to lie, he always had, since he was a child. He lied to keep those he loved close, even though he knew that lies would accumulate and he would've risked twice as much; he lied to feel safe, living in a bubble created by him.</p><p>Jaehyun never asked for help, at least not seriously. He didn’t like it, he felt like his perfect world was being dismantled and he forced to come to terms with reality. They doubted his love for Taeyong, told him he was too protective of him and that wasn't love but obsession, and he was angry. How could he be hyper-protective if everywhere they went, everyone was ready to jump around Taeyong’s neck? If everyone saw him as a prey and treated him as such, cancelling all his personality traits. The one he loved so much. He loved Taeyong, and he would continue to do anything to protect him.</p><p>And all those lies, those unfulfilled promises, all that he had done to keep him safe from the evil of others had hurt him even more. </p><p><em>He </em> had hurt him. He had failed.</p><p>But what? What had gone wrong? He always wondered, every hour of the day that question stuck in his head, as he stared at the photos of Taeyong that covered<em> every</em>  surface of his new home. Had he not loved him enough? Had he not been there enough? Did he not feel safe enough with him?</p><p> </p><p>And Jaehyun looked for him, in the sunlight and in the dark of the night, desperately wandering in search of something to bring him back to him. But it was all futile, Taeyong wouldn't come back. He would not return to him.</p><p>And so Jaehyun imprinted it even more in his memories. He watched the videos he jealously guarded, heard him laughing and dreamed he was still him, today, to make him laugh like that, like he used to do. He the one that caused that choked sound that left his lips and that brought his eyes to shine.</p><p>He would buy his favourite sweets, the ones he didn’t like, and he would leave them there, in the fridge or on the kitchen cabinet, hoping that he would come into the house and eat them, he would've said <em> thank you </em> and reassured him that it was just a bad dream.</p><p>He moaned his name in the middle of the night while his twisted mind echoed the sounds of his moans, those only he could make slip from his lips. And his red face, shiny eyes, half-closed lips, and sweaty hair on his forehead were all his mind could see. So he stretched out his hand to the other side of the bed hoping to touch his warm skin, but he met only a void that no one filled any more, that <em> he </em> no longer filled.</p><p>Taeyong was no longer there, he was no longer his. He couldn't keep him with him. </p><p>And while he was grieving for the mistakes he made, but he was trying to be more mature, at least this time, the voices were rumbling like annoying marching drums. And they screamed for the attention Jaehyun didn’t want to give them.</p><p>
  <em> You’ll never get over him, take him back. </em>
</p><p><em> That’s not true, </em>  he said,  <em> I can do it. </em> </p><p>But as much as he hated admitting it, his voices were right. It had been more than a year but he couldn’t forget him, he couldn’t go on and he <em> didn’t want </em> to go on.</p><p> </p><p>So he was standing at his door another time, begging for another opportunity. </p><p>And Taeyong didn’t get to that damn door, no step was audible, no "I'm coming" was shouted from upstairs, nothing at all. </p><p>Yet he was still standing there, he had only knocked three times in that hour that he had stood frozen still in front of the entrance. Like hoping that the other guy could sense him somehow. Then he shook his shoulders and had squeezed himself into his warm black hoodie, <em> he won't be home, </em> he had thought naively and had gone away.</p><p> </p><p>A similar scenario happened the second time, and then the third. </p><p><em> Maybe he moved out </em>, but his name was still on the intercom. </p><p><em> Maybe it’s a sign of fate </em>, but the voices wouldn’t let him breathe, it wasn’t possible. They told him that never in his life he had fought so hard to achieve something, could he give up now?</p><p> </p><p>He knocked on the door, not really hoping to get an answer, but it opened revealing a tired Taeyong, his legs were uncovered and he was wearing a burgundy sweatshirt that he had never seen on him before. His messed-up hair surrounded his face and he tried in vain to give it an order by running a hand between it. Jaehyun’s heart lost a beat, it was always beautiful, if it was possible even more than the last time he saw him.</p><p>"Jaehyun?" Asked, clearly confused, the boy behind the door, it was clear he did not expect to find the boy before him after all this time. </p><p>When he saw that he didn't answer but only smiled, showing only one of his dimples, a shiver ran down his back and he spoke again, </p><p>"Can I help you in any way, Jaehyun?" The boy shook his head at once,<em>  why did he use that harsh tone with him?  </em></p><p>"Come back to me."</p><p>No half-term, no round of words, just the pure truth of what he wanted. A thought that had followed a direct flow and had turned into that sincere request. </p><p>Taeyong turned his nose and, instinctively, closed the front door a little more.</p><p>"Everything okay, Tae? Who is it?" A voice resounded in the house and was immediately followed by a boy with blue hair who appeared from the stairs. </p><p>Jaehyun automatically clutched his hands in fists, his eyes clutched in cracks and anger and jealousy began to boil in his veins.</p><p>"No one, Doy, don’t worry."</p><p><em> No one </em>, Jaehyun repeated in his mind. He was no longer anyone for Taeyong. </p><p>He didn’t like it, he wasn't okay with that, how could he be "nobody" after everything he had done for him. After everything that had been between them, after all their plans, those who had accomplished and those who had broken like waves of the sea on the shore.</p><p>"Let me in." He said, the tone sounded more imperative of what he wanted, but by now it was late. "Please." He tried to add but Taeyong was still scared, behind the wood of the door he was closing more and more. </p><p>"I can’t Jaehyun, you should go home." His voice was shaking, his body too.</p><p>"Yes, you can, no one’s stopping you." He tried to convince him. And as he tried to persuade him, he saw the other guy getting closer and closer, and the jealousy was taking over his body. He pushed the door, he knew he was stronger than Taeyong, and he knew he could open it more, and he did.</p><p>"Jaehyun..." Taeyong whispered, in his eyes he recognized the rage he had always felt, the anger that had frightened him and made him run away after three years of enduring and trying to give him more chances. His fists clenched, ready to strike Doyoung and get dirty with blood as always. And even this time Jaehyun was not listening, Taeyong was invisible again, as always. </p><p>His opinion, his voice, his suffering, zero.</p><p>"Jaehyun, you’re scaring me." He managed to whisper, the voice trembling more than ever, the memories that assaulted his mind, everything was repeating itself, but this time Jaehyun was no longer his boyfriend and Doyoung was not a stranger. This time Doyoung was his boyfriend and Jaehyun was a stranger, yes, because he hadn't changed but now that he was no longer blinded by love he saw him in a different light, that was not the Jaehyun he used to know. And he realized that maybe he never knew the real him.</p><p>Taeyong understood he had been in love with a construct of his mind all those years.</p><p>Jaehyun realized and his heart broke, he returned in himself and his eyes veiled of a sadness that Taeyong had never seen before, then he retreated. </p><p>Now he understood where he had failed. </p><p>Jaehyun was the monster from whom he wanted to repair Taeyong.</p><p>So he reproached a barely audible "sorry", he clutched in his clothes, and ran out of the house, leaving behind a tearful Taeyong, seeking refuge in the arms of Doyoung.</p><p>He had to get out of there, get as far away as he could. He was losing his mind like he had done before, he was a ticking time bomb ready to explode, but he couldn’t, and he didn’t want to. </p><p>So, with the tears falling profusely on his face, his hands stuck in his black hair pulling it, and his knees to his chest, he swore to himself that he would take control of the situation, that he would forget him and he would move on. He had to do it, for himself and for Taeyong.</p><p> </p><p>꧁꧂</p><p> </p><p>The house soon became bare, the cassettes and CDs were forgotten in the cellar. The bakery did not see him enter at least for three months. The bed had been stained by other people and smells. His days were filled with work and friends, the few who had remained.</p><p>Everything seemed to be going for the best. </p><p>But it wasn’t like that.</p><p>Because Taeyong wasn’t just a love to him, he was a stable foothold, he was the only thing that kept him glued to reality when the world got too heavy and his brain wanted to get out of there, he was the only thing that made him feel alive, enough and loved.</p><p>He was the one he was trying to get out of his comfort zone for, the one he had crossed lines he never thought he could cross. Thanks to him he stopped getting his tie done six times before he went to work because he never looked perfect, he only did it three times.</p><p>He had stopped checking if all the windows and doors were closed before he went to sleep, Taeyong did it, and he, oddly enough, trusted him. He no longer listened to his voices, those that infused him with insecurities, doubts and anxieties, he no longer had time to do so, because by day the only voice he heard was Taeyong's who told him about his day and by night the only sound was that of his breath lulling him in his sleep.</p><p>Love doesn’t cure you of your illnesses and it doesn’t save you from the beasts of your mind, but it can help sometimes. It can become a shoulder to cry on, a hand that caresses you to calm you down, ears that listen to you, a voice that guides you. This is a healthy love.</p><p>But sometimes, this perfect project crumbles, the illusion fades. </p><p>You can’t handle your demons anymore and you make them theirs too. </p><p>The sky turns black and the sea rises. You find yourselves in the middle of a storm where everyone tries to save the other, not knowing that you are hurting yourselves more and more and you are drowning each other, that saving yourself is useless because nature is more powerful than you, and if it only had one in its pocket before, now it has both. And in that torment, you do the one thing you know how to do, you cling to the other, and then the other person becomes a lifejacket, the only thing that can keep you afloat, alive. You decide to entrust yourself completely to him, in an exclusive way and you expect the same from the other side. We have eyes only for them. But we know very well what becomes what we worship so much, what we are extremely devoted to, becomes an <em> obsession </em>. Love becomes sick, makes you blind, selfish, dangerous.</p><p>Taeyong was no longer the person he loved, Taeyong was his <em> obsession </em>.</p><p>He was addicted to it, like a drug. And we know that overcoming addiction is not easy and you are never able to do it all by yourself. And we all know that taking away the drugs you have to detox from all of a sudden doesn’t do you any good, on the contrary, it makes you weak, it clouds your brain and drags you to the most complete delusion.</p><p>And that’s where Jaehyun was when he lost control one night.</p><p>Deleting Taeyong’s photos from the walls was easy, but removing him from his mind after he had spent sleepless nights staring at him to memorize every wrinkle of his face, it wasn’t at all.</p><p> </p><p>꧁꧂</p><p> </p><p>So he was walking around the streets of the city headed to Taeyong, behind him he had left the living room of his house covered in destroyed porcelain on the floor, and little drops of blood that stained the walls and his knuckles. </p><p>Fighting with his voices was not easy but he usually won, this time, however, he had lost, and, unknowingly, he would lose his whole life.</p><p>His feet were moving fast but his mind could not perceive them, he wasn't in himself, it wasn't him who was commanding his body, he did not want to be there. He wanted to be in his bed staring at the ceiling and say to himself that he was succeeding, that he was strong and, one day, maybe, he would be able to forget him forever. But before he could even attempt to come to his senses and regain control of his mind, he found himself in front of Taeyong’s house.</p><p>He was motionless in front of the oil-green door, his hands stretched out along his hips as the blood dried on his pale skin, his head bent over hid the tears that had stopped on his dug cheeks, his breath way too calm. </p><p>This time it was enough to knock once.</p><p>Taeyong’s eyes opened wide at the sight of the younger, but his brain did not connect, no mechanism of defence and survival activated in him, indeed, his brain died and fell into the same trap as always, but this time it would have cost more.</p><p>The Wendy* in him took over and Doyoung’s voice telling him to never let him in the house, especially if he was alone, didn’t even ring a bell in the anteroom of his brain.</p><p>"Did you fight with someone? Did they hurt you? Are you hurt?" He burdened by closing the door behind them and holding the other’s hands among his.<em>  I have to treat him immediately </em>. He thought.</p><p>Jaehyun smiled, it looked more like a grin, it was strange, dull, almost scary, but Taeyong didn’t notice, even this time too immersed in his goal of saving him. To save him from others, not knowing that, as always, he had done the hurt to himself, and he could never save him from himself.</p><p>"I’m fine." he whispered. "<em> Now </em>, I’m fine." He went on accentuating the first word. And if it hadn’t come out of his lips, it might as well have sounded like something positive, sweet. Now that I’m with you I’m fine. But he said it, and there was nothing nice about it.</p><p>It was another signal that was supposed to alert Taeyong, he had to get out of his trance now or it would've been too late, he had to understand that Jaehyun had returned to take him back and would've done <em> anything </em> to keep him with him.</p><p>"Who was it?" He asked naively, as he passed the oxygenated water over the wounds with a tampon. </p><p>"You" </p><p>Taeyong petrified on the spot, his hand still on the other's, staring at him amazed. "Me?" He dared to ask, astonishment was painted on his face. </p><p>"I’m going crazy without you, Taeyong." The blood in his veins froze, it wasn’t the words that frightened him, he had heard them a thousand times, it was the look that terrified him, it was empty, cold, completely detached.</p><p>He scared him.</p><p>And he began to tremble, Doyoung’s words surfaced in his mind and he cursed himself for not having thought of it before. He had put himself in trouble and didn’t know how to get out. </p><p>"Taeyong, please." But he didn’t speak. It was a chess game, the slightest wrong move would have made him lose, and at that moment everything looked like wrong moves.</p><p>"I need you, come back to me, please." Jaehyun’s gaze returned slightly more human, his voice seemed more vulnerable but Taeyong didn’t feel safe either, he got up from the floor with shaking legs and began to retreat. </p><p>"You know it’s over, you should move on, Jaehyun." He took the courage to say.</p><p>"I can’t, I tried, but I can’t." He cried through the tears that had resumed to come out of his eyes. </p><p>"I promise I will change, Tae. I swear to you." He begged on his knees on the floor and Taeyong laughed, didn’t mean it, it wasn’t a joke, but he laughed. </p><p>"You’re doing it again, you see. We’ve been going on like this for years, Jaehyun, and you’ve never, ever learned."</p><p>"This time is different, trust me. You hurt me enough, don’t you think?"</p><p>"Ah, me?" Taeyong laughed again as he kept retreating to the kitchen door. "I hurt you, not you who destroyed me and used me as a therapist for years? Not you that were the one who kept me from wearing low-cut jerseys because I’d attract unwanted attention? That you made a scene every time I wore skinny jeans or talked to someone for more than ten minutes who wasn’t you or the few people you trusted. Not you who ruined everything we built because you never had the courage to get help from those in charge? Right? It was easier to lean on me, to live on my shoulders, to make me believe that you treated me this way because you loved me when you never did!" He said in a blaze of breath while the other listened to him with his head down.</p><p>"Of course, I loved you. I loved you with all my heart, and I still fucking love you!" He said, looking at the other. </p><p>"Well, I hate to break it to you, but you should rethink the concept of love, because that’s not how you love someone." </p><p>"Taeyong please, don’t do this. Give me the last chance, I had time to think and I realized where I was wrong."</p><p>"I’m sorry, I’ve also had time to think, and I've realized I deserve better. I deserve to be truly loved, Jaehyun." He whispered among the sobs. Those words hurt like a thousand sharp blades because he gave everything to Jaehyun. He had loved him with every fibre of his body and when with time and Doyoung's help he managed to understand that on the other side it hadn't been the same he felt like a fool, he felt a completely different pain from what he had experienced with the end of other relationships. Realizing what his relationship with Jaehyun had been destroyed him.</p><p>"I can give you what you deserve and what you need, I will no longer allow my problems to come between us." Jaehyun quickly approached Taeyong and this led the ladder to enter the kitchen with a leap, he didn’t want him to touch him, he wanted him out of there.</p><p>"Jaehyun, no." He said categorically. " You know that’s not true, and anyway it’s too late. I have found my happiness, I have found who makes me feel good and gives me what I need." He whispered.</p><p>"The boy I last saw?" He asked quietly, it was barely audible. Taeyong nodded. And Jaehyun’s mind was clouded, someone else was doing what he should have done and because of that, he could not have<em>  his </em> Taeyong back. </p><p>He quickly left the room and began to wander around the house. Taeyong called him uselessly, did not listen, he was too busy with his anger.</p><p>"Where is he? Where’s the asshole?" He asked screaming as he slammed the various doors of the house, the one they once shared, the one he knew with his eyes closed, the one who had seen all the roses and thorns of their story. </p><p>"Jaehyun, stop!" Screamed Taeyong to be heard. " He’s not here." </p><p>The boy paused and returned to focus his attention on him standing still in the middle of the living room.</p><p>"Do you really think he is better than me? I would never have left you alone." He began to say with a grin on his face as he approached the moor. (??)</p><p>Taeyong closed his eyes, he was terrified. He wanted to tell him that that did not measure a person’s love and that Doyoung was free to go out with his friends without him; but at that moment he was cursing the decisions made, Doyoung going out on his own, the fact that he didn’t insist again when he asked him if he wanted to go with him. Maybe he wouldn't have been in that situation right now, panicking and feeling unsafe at home.</p><p>Maybe now he’d be listening to Doyoung and Ten arguing over some crap, or he’d be telling Mark to stop drinking and Jeno to stop biting Jaemin’s arm. But he wasn’t there with them, he was home alone, and it was too early for him to hope that Doyoung would walk through the door and save him from that situation.</p><p>"You’re not answering me, huh?" Jaehyun was inches from his face, it had been too long since he had him so close, maybe their last morning together, before he threw it all away. He shook his head, clenched his lips in a thin line and held his breath, he was tired.</p><p>"You also know I’m better. Admit it, fuck!" He screamed in his face and Taeyong opened his eyes for the fright. What he had before him wasn' t Jaehyun, he was not the person he had loved for years. He was a monster, he was his monsters, his voices, his illness, all in their worst stages, as he had never seen them before.</p><p>"Jaehyun, please leave." He said, trying to gather all the strength in his body, he would not answer that question. </p><p>"No, I’m not leaving without you." he said, putting his hand on his side, Taeyong dodged abruptly but was immediately blocked by a wrist.</p><p>"Let me go! I don’t love you Jaehyun, put it on your head. I love Doyoung and I'm dating him!" He screamed in panic. </p><p>He didn’t realize, at least not in time, what he had said, the bomb he had dropped, the mistake he had made. </p><p>A whole game of chess meticulously played, lost for the last move. The whole war lost, for one failed attack. The trap for the enemy that comes back to haunt you. </p><p>He had lost, he had blown himself up like a suicide bomber, he had himself set up the lair of the wolf, in his own home.</p><p> </p><p>Him the sheep, Jaehyun the wolf. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m in love with Doyoung.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He had shouted it in his face, without thinking twice, he had chosen another and this was not tolerable for Jaehyun, it was not what he had in mind, it was not in his plan.</p><p> </p><p>And it was a moment, in a second Taeyong was pushed to the ground by Jaehyun with all the strength he had in his body. It was just a fit of rage, he wanted to talk sense into him, teach him a lesson, and when you get caught up in these urges, you don’t calculate, you don’t study the room, you don’t see what’s behind him. You don’t see that you’re throwing the person you <em> love </em> on a crystal coffee table, you don’t think that shards of glass will stick in his skin, pierce his muscles and slit his veins, you don’t think you’ll ever see blood flowing from his stomach, his arms, his head.</p><p>You don't think to hear two voices shouting in unison, because by now it's too late. Hands stretched forward to try to save the irrecoverable. </p><p>When you get your mind back, there’s nothing you can do. </p><p>The desperate search for a cell phone, the vain attempt to call an ambulance, the distant answers of doctors.</p><p>"Please don’t leave me." Taeyong begged with short breath, it was absurd, he wanted him there next to him. </p><p>For the first time, it was Taeyong the selfish one, hoping to use him as an anchor, as if shaking his hand or calling his name would make him remain there, on that bitter land. </p><p>His face was torn by bitter tears. He had always had the feeling that he could never truly distance himself from Jaehyun, from the spell he had cast upon him, a curse he could never break. A magic that fascinated him at first, a play with fire that excited him, a love that made him feel alive. Until the land of wonders began to crumble under his watch, unable to do anything. If not trying to hold the pieces together, hold those rose bushes in his arms not to ruin that garden that he had cared for with so much love, stinging and bleeding with every thorn.</p><p>And as the pain grew, he held on to him even more and thought about how much he had thought about how their story was killing him. And so he decided to run, to avoid that fate. But as he looked down on him, he had the umpteenth confirmation, Jaehyun had always had control over everything, he had bewitched him so that he could never really hate him or want him away from him. And Taeyong felt weak, even then. Instead of being disgusted and angry with him, he was letting himself be held in his arms as if they weren't the same ones that had pushed him to the ground, to meet an atrocious fate.</p><p>Then his thoughts flew to Doyoung. </p><p>He had promised him. </p><p>
  <em> Don’t let him in the house, call me.  </em>
</p><p>He didn’t want those words to be the ones ringing in his mind, he wanted to hear Doyoung’s voice tell him he loved him, or how he looked good in a suit he’d just bought, but he couldn’t get his disappointed boyfriend’s face out of his mind. He had not listened to him and the hurting he would've caused him this time would have been irreparable.</p><p>Then his thoughts became more confused and less concrete, he only hoped that Doyoung would forgive him and that Jaehyun would finally find peace from himself.</p><p>And Jaehyun stood by his side, with voices ringing louder than before, with prayers that no God would ever hear, with regrets that would torment him forever. </p><p>And while frightened and powerless he stared at the pool of blood around the loved one’s body and he felt his breath leave his lungs.</p><p>He realized. </p><p>His hands, soaked in the warm red liquid, held him close to himself as if trying, in vain, not to let his soul fly away. </p><p>And as his eyes started to fill with tears and watched out of focus those of the other losing all their light.</p><p>He realized. </p><p>
  <em>"I had promised myself that I would've protected you from all evil, but your biggest evil was me. "</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, here we are.<br/>Wendy*, I had no idea how to translate this because I'm not sure of the English correspondent of the "sindrome della crocerossina", I've searched on internet but I've found different things and I went for this one, so if you need explanation search for "The Wendy Syndrome". Also, I've might have messed up the verbs so I'm really sorry for it.<br/>As I said in the original I wanted to analyze certain aspects of their relationship much more deeply, but this is a one-shot and so I couldn't do it properly (we all know that I would've end up making it into a long-fic, and I would love it, but rip I don't think I have the time).<br/>I hope you liked, kudos and comments are always appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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